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I'll never forget how i nearly laughed my head off.

Paisei lar....very lazy to blog these days...

BLAME it on the weather, okay!
It's so HOT to the extent i don't even want to go out from the house.
This month's electric bill sure increase one because can't help to turn on the air-conditioner all the time.





Okay. Updates. In this post, i just wanted to be open and share my heart.
I don't care who are my readers.
I write of what my heart conveys.
If you're not interested, you can just jump out from this window.
Because right now, I'm doing this for myself and for my friends who care for me. :)

Let's see...

I'm kinda busy lately because of the posting matters.
Yeah, i'm posted back to sarawak.
Meaning Penang and I are not fated together after all. *sob sob*
(P/s: Goodbye shopping paradise...)

I got some government documents to settle lar...
Phone calls to make lar...

And the worst of all...
I NEED TO STUDY AGAIN~!!!

(So mafan...)
Since pharmacy is a life-long learning type of career, we need to learn independently about the latest drugs, diseases, and drug therapy to remain competent,
NEVER END UNTIL RETIREMENT.

I need to sit for a forensic exam to approve me for a license.
And also an oral counseling test to allow your participation in the wards.

One of the greatest expectations i wished to achieve in my career is to become a clinical pharmacist in paediatric wards.

Yeah...to take care of sick children.
I want to do more than just contributing my pharmaceutical knowledge...

I want...and i hope to bring healing through Jesus to their broken hearts, which have grown weary during the countless battles with their sickness.

To cheer them up. Even in wards, there's love and hope.

Anyway, its just a dream.
Don't know whether can achieve or not.
But then, I will GAMBATE to be there~
One day~~ ;)


Be strong. Take on changes in life because life always change. Embrace changes.
-Gary-

Thanks bro. Love ya.

I'm very very touched to hear from some of gepc members.

Guys, your encouragements came just on time.
I'm really blessed to have you all in my life.

And i'm proud to have the opportunity to serve God with you all in gepc.
It's the greatest experience that i'm gonna treasure for life.
I wouldn't want to trade it with anything God can offer me.
I love you all.

2 years spent in GEPC.
I was a back-up vocalist,
a worship leader,
a cell group leader,
a praying warrior, and
a pre-missionary.

I was picked up by GEPC when i was in my darkest period, where God show me the greatest things of one could ever known and gave me hope and strength to embrace future.

When i was all out of love, and hands are so far to reach,
God came and healed me, and
You all were there to lift me up back to my feet.
Since then, i have a meaning, a purpose to live for.

I used to label myself with what other ppl think of me.
i was unhappy and depressed.

God, through GEPC taught me that a person's value is not determined by the people around you.

You live up to your own expectations.
The question is, how you set your expectations?
On the world?
or God?

Each and everyone of us are precious for who we are.

I'll never forget what God said to me.
"I've created you and brought you to earth with full confidence and love,
so why are u still look down on yourself? You are just perfect of who you are."

These magic words, set me free.

GEPC means a lot to me.
If possible, I really wished i don't have to come back to kuching.

I feel trapped back at my own hometown.
Why?
Because...

I'm afraid to start all over again.
To find a new church.
To find a new group of brothers and sisters.
To have a bond with the new pastors.

Everything's just too new.
I can't find a place to fit in.

On the other hand,
I had a childhood sweatheart, whom i have been rejecting all these years.
I'm confused.
I don't want to commit into a relationship yet.

If possible, i don't want to come back to face all these.

But, God just did.
He sent me back.

Is this the answer that i've been praying for?

In this 5 months, i was struggling, confused and depressed.

I even hoped that...how i wish i'm not a christian....
Then i don't have to be so stress with all these.

Jacob is right.
It is so hard to live your faith and to live for God in a surrounding where people around you don't live that way.

Sigh.

I admit too.

He has been special to me, as a friend always been there for me when i need a shoulder to cry on,
who always know what i'm thinking, and who always know my needs.

After ten years, we're still bonded closely with each other.
We understands each other the most.
Whenever there are drastic happenings in our lives, we would only want to share with each other.
I don't know how to explain this, its a sense of belonging we found in each other.

Yet, we chose to carry on in the form of friendship.

And that is why i don't want to come back.
Because i know...when distance is out of the way...emotions will go out of control...
And i was right.
It happened.

Everytime i rejected and pushed him away,
I felt my heart was ripped open alive.
And i kept asking..."God, how many times you want me to do this?"

Is this the answer i've been praying for?

Lately, i've been spending time with God alone.
I think i know what God wants now.

He wanted me to face my greatest fears and desires,
and to learn how to live my faith when surroundings are different,
and how to surrender my desire to honor Him.

Just like Abraham, who left his homeland to a foreign land.
Just like Daniel, who was dragged away from his country to babylon.
Just like Mary Magdalene, to give up her desire for Jesus.

God, is indeed a great teacher of life.

I will pull myself together and re-commit myself into a church again.
I have scheduled an appointment to talk with my church pastor.
By Faith, i know God will guide my footsteps into His glorious plan.

About my relationship, God has been working on it too.
But still, it has been the greatest struggle to me.
I don't know how much longer i can hold on.

After all, I'm just a human being, who is deeply in love.
I'm terribly weak in this area.

So please brothers and sisters, pray for me.

God bless.

归属...

我的天空放晴了

脸上有了释怀的笑容了

是时候让我的“心”停止在外排徊，
回去一直等它回来的人的身边。




不过呢，我多带了一个人回来... 嘻嘻

Where You are is where I belong...

Thanks Sabrina and Jev for the spiritual supports and love.
I really felt encouraged.
Like being saved from drowning in the quicksand...

True.
It doesn't matter whether I'm in kl or kuching.
What matters the most is the heart that would always run to God.

No matter where I am, or what a mess i'd made,
I'll never be too far gone.

Where I am, is the platform that God has built for me.

It's all coming back to me now...

I worship you, my Lord in every moment of my life.
God, my joy and delight. Amen.

Verse 1
C                         Am
There is no height or depth; neither life nor death
    G                   F
That can take me from all that I find
           C
Here now in Your glory Lord


Verse 2
C                        Am
No others powers or love; The things of now or to come
G                 F
There's nothing on earth in this life
        C
That could ever separate us Lord


Pre-chorus
Am               G
Your love is never ending
       F
To Your hands we surrender
 C             G/B   Am
Where all our sins are washed away

             G
Your grace beyond reason
         F
Has paid for our freedom
 Am     G
We're made alive in you


Chorus
    C                                   G
We run to Your throne where we belong
          F                           C
Every heart will sing that JESUS is Lord
Casting all else aside
         G
For the joy of our Christ
         F
Let Your glory fall
                 C
Our hearts are filled with your fire

When rain keeps me at home....

Oh yeah....

Remember i mentioned before that i have both good news and bad news?

Bad news first ya...

I'm not going to Penang anymore.
Apparently Hospital Pulau Pinang has no more vacancies even local penang people could not get it.

Good news will be....
Most probably i'm going to stuck here in kuching.
(Honestly, it doesn't sound good to me)

So as a conclusion...

I'm gonna be trapped forever at home as mommy's little girl...

Okay...BAD NEWS!!!!!!

P/s: It's not exactly what i want...but like i say earlier...
If this is what God thinks best for me,
Then i will make the best out of it.

No more looking back at the past but move forward with courage.

What's the big deal right?
Just need a little changes and adjustments.
The truth is, we cannot expect things to be the same anymore.

hm....on the bright side...
I can save a lot of money staying at home~~
Like RM2000 at least? ;)

I'm in....

I know u guys must be wondering what was i been doing for the past 7 or 8 days.

Well, I finally sort things out a little...erm....a lot actually...
I finally know what i want, where should i go and how am i going to get there.

I still feel trapped with kuching but now i can breathe...
knowing with full affirmation that I'm not alone

And...
Though my life is entering a new phase with unknown challenges ahead,
I'm sure i can make it through again.

Next, I got my prayers answered.

Then, Good news and bad news came along together.

I also don't know whether should be happy or not.
Anyway, this is life...right?

Sometimes u can make a difference in your life...
but sometimes...
You're just not the boss to have things go on the way you want it.


At this moment, forgive me that i don't have the mood to write in details about my recent stuffs.

Yet, i would like to share with you all a song that i love playing with my guitar over and over again...

A classic which i will adore forever.

A heart-captivating oldie...

"Can't help falling in love with you"

C    G   Am        F    C    G7
Wise men say, only fools rush in
F   G7    Am       Dm       C    G7   C
But  I  can't help falling in love with you
C     G  Am       F     C    G7
Shall I  stay, would it be a sin
F    G7    C     Dm         C    G7   C
If I  can't help falling in love with you



Em          Am     Em           Am
Like a river flows surely to the sea
Em          Am      A7         Dm     G7
Darling so it goes, some things are meant to be


C    Em  Am            F    C    G7
Take my  hand, take my whole life too
  F  G7    C      Dm         C    G7    C
For I can't help  falling in love whith you  

Yeah yeah... I'll post something soon....like tomorrow...ok~

Ya i miss you all too

;)

The Fern and the bamboo

One day I decided to quit..
I quit my job, my relationship, my spirituality....
I wanted to quit my life.

I went to the woods to have one last talk with God.
"God", I said.
"Can you give me one good reason not to quit?"

His answer surprised me.
"Look around", He said.
"Do you see the fern and the bamboo?"

"Yes", I replied.

"When I planted the fern and the bamboo seeds,
I took very good care of them.
I gave them light.
I gave them water.

The fern quickly grew from the earth.
Its brilliant green covered the floor.

Yet nothing came from the bamboo seed.
But I did not quit on the bamboo.

In the second year the fern grew more vibrant and plentiful.
And again, nothing came from the bamboo seed.
But I did not quit on the bamboo.

In year three there was still nothing from the bamboo seed.
But I would not quit.

The same in year four.

Then in the fifth year, a tiny sprout emerged from the earth.
Compared to the fern, it was seemingly small and insignificant.

But just six months later, the bamboo rose to over 100 feet tall.
It had spent the five years growing roots.

Those roots made it strong and gave it what it needed to survive.

I would not give any of my creations a challenge it could not handle."

"Did you know, my child, that all this time you have been struggling,
you have actually been growing roots?

I would not quit on the bamboo.

I will never quit on you."

"Don't compare yourself to others." He said.

"The bamboo had a different purpose than the fern.
Yet they both make the forest beautiful."

"Your time will come", God said to me.

"You will rise high"

"How high should I rise?" I asked.

"How high will the bamboo rise?" He asked in return.

"As high as it can?" I questioned.

"Yes." He said,
"Give me glory by rising as high as you can."

I left the forest, realizing that...

God will never give up on me.
And He will never give up on you.

Never regret a day in your life.

Good days give you happiness;
Bad days give you experiences;

both are essential to life.

-Author Unknown-

Dine @ Chilis

After my graduation ceremony at Penang, Uncle Martin brought us to Chilis for dinner.

Daryl, my cuz once told me that there are 4 must-visit restaurants which serve great food.
Expensive but you won't gonna regret it.

TGI Fridays
Chilis
Shogun
Italianese

So far I haven't been to Italianese.
I'm a pasta-lover, so very looking forward to step into the restaurant one day~ Hehe.

- The appetizer -

Tripple Dippers

Classic Nachos

These 2 appetizers are in very big portion.
Luckily there were 6 of us to share.
Yet, it's very very filling...



- Main Course -

Monterey chicken

Grilled Chicken

Lamb shoulders

Firecracker fish fillet

Oh this is the best
Lamb Shank!

Fire chicken and Shrimps

A kind of Fajita.
Taste real good.

Mushroom Jack

It came with the sauces, spices and some vegetables.

Also together with popia kind of bread.

Yeah...Mushroom Jack....Tada~~

;)

Have a nice day, peeps!

My sis

20 years ago, my house welcomed a little monster....

She got many nick names lor....

little dragon girl
Ah ning Tan
BP station
BB tan
etc etc...

Sometimes she acts as if she's older than me.

Yeah...my only sibling.

Phoebe Tan

I'm always amazed by how she have grown to be a lady who knows how to take care of herself.
She's independent, strong, outgoing, beautiful and smart.

I got to admit.
She takes care of me like i'm her younger sister.
I'm proud of what she has become.

At her age, she has faced many situations even grown ups can't afford to go through it.
But she survived.
I'm glad God did not take her away from us.
I'll never be strong enough to lose her.

We grew up together.
We shared things together.
We fought with each other.
We cried together.
We secretly planned things behind our parent's back.
We cover for each other.

That's the priviledge of a sibling who would do all these things for you.

Nothing on earth has the power to separate this.

Fortunate or not, she's the only person in this world who calls me "jie jie"
(though she hasn't address me that way since she entered primary school)

You'll always be a part of my success.

To my sis.

Okay. If you want to get even with me,
You can do the same thing in ur blog too.
But do not post ugly pictures of me.
Don't start a war with me, sister!

Y waste my time?

If some1 u love doesn't have the thought of spending the rest of his life with you...
would you consider a relationship with him?
OR go paktoh with some1 whom you can't see a future with him?

Maybe you'll say..."just paktoh and see how la"

I'll say....Y waste my time?

Answer me if you can...Y ppl want to paktoh?

You paktoh with the person u love, right?
The person whom you think u wanna live forever with, right?
The person whom u want to spend the rest of your live is some1 whom u consider as future husband or wife, right????

If it's not for that purpose. Just merely kill time or enjoy being love...
"see how lor...i love him/her bor...i want to be with him/her....but dunnoe can go that far or not...see how la....If we can be together, then continue lor...if cannot....then dun wan lor..."

SELFISH!!!!!

I don't give a damn about this excuse.

Choosing someone to be ur bf/gf is like buying saham with your hard earn money...
Don't tell me you don't 'sayang' your sweat and blood $$ lo

Some ppl invest a little...
Some ppl invest everything...

How can you be so sure that the saham is sure win?
What if somebody invest his/her everything on it....and LOSE?
Then...GG lor...

You think this type of money very easy to replenish ar?

You got to work all over again and simpan $$ so that you can invest again okay.
Think so easy?

Maybe u think...."Its his/her choice ma...cannot blame ppl..."
Yeah right... like you didn't make him/her felt that the saham is worth the whole-hearted investment...
Besides, how many times one can make that kind of investments ar?

So, my point is....do investments wisely.
It's all or nothing.
If you have already been through a broken relationship,
then you should learn.
Be smart okay.

Girls, your money is TIME.
Please. If that guy doesn't worth your time, or he doesn't love you as much as you do.
Forget it, honey.
Because nobody will pity you if you're broke.

Guys, please be a bit more responsible.
If there's a girl who is showing interest in you,
please don't be a jerk by accepting her love if you're just giving it a shot and then called it off as fast as you flush the toilet.
Don't waste her time.

Don't write cheques with your mouth if you can't cash it.

Don't say "I'll love you forever" because you don't even know what's gonna happen tomorrow so how can you be so sure you still gonna love him/her no matter what happens?

In the end, either one or both will suffer terrible devastating pain.

"You lied. You lied. You said that you would love me forever."
"I'm sorry. Things changed."

Now, that's the result when both of you are not sure of the direction or the purpose of the relationship!!
I leave the question to you. If you ever want to be in a relationship with a man/woman, what's the purpose?
Think about it.

If you're not sure.
Easy.
Start off by being just friends. Good friends. Best friends.
In that case, you'll have plenty of time to know each other better, evaluate and judge whether he/she is qualified to be ur bf/gf.

So kin tio labeling him/her as bf or gf is as stupid as dining at TGI friday with RM30 in your pocket.
You can't pay how much the consequences are going to cost you.

My point is...ppl won't get hurt with false hopes or expectations when you make ur stand clear.
"Let's be friends first. And see how things can bring us."

So that is why...I don't want to paktoh yet.
I do investments carefully. (Otherwise i wouldn't have stayed single for the past 2 years)
I don't want to lose the opportunities of knowing great guys who would put me first before anything...who put GOD before me.
I don't want to be in a relationship if i'm not ready for it.

我不追求爱情的刺激。
响往的是平平静静的细水长流。

一个人的感情是很珍贵的，不要轻易让人糟蹋。
最好的人是值得你耐心的去等待。

Ya la ya la...我很难追...
Ya la ya l...I am kolot.... 吹啊? >.<

Because i will only waste my time on somebody who deserves it.


(feels so good after meluahkan all the perasan terpendam)